i've mostly moved on now, but the pain still lingers. remind me to never join a circle like that ever again. but hey, at least i get a cool backstory or something, idk.

i honestly don't know how much i can take of this anymore. i lose my irls, i lose a group of friends online, you put your trust into people that you can't rely on in the end, because they will just kick you to the curb and forget about you as if you didn't mean anything to them. i've had people tell me that they loved me platonically and that i was one of the nicest people to be friends with, just to be swept aside under the rug like i was never there in the first place. its really hard not to get emotional and i feel like a lot of my friendships since 2022 have just been fakes, they're just using me for a sick joke or as soon as i slip up once its immediately over and im suddenly evil now, when there are way worse people than me that they talk to. i don't understand... i CAN'T understand. you think you know people. my trust issues just keep lowering and lowering as the years go by, and i really don't want to do this anymore. i want to have relationships that just stay like that, we can just all be nice without any big drama or stupid crap happening but no that won't happen, not for me, never for me. one of my greatest fears is being hated by everyone or losing everybody and even though i shouldn't be that dramatic i genuinely can't help it. it feels like everyone hates me right now, so why do i even try to befriend people? its not fair. and i bet if one of those people who affected me like this saw this post, they'd probably not read half of it and then go onto say how shit i am or something. its hard to continue going like this. my brain also keeps hoping that maybe, just maybe some of them will realise their mistake and apologise or something but honestly even if that happened it would make me pissed off

worst fucking day of my life.